The Day the World Stopped

And then the world stopped and reminded me how quickly it can all change, in case I had forgotten how fragile everything really was.  Just like that, from one breath to the next, life as we knew it, over!  Death arrived as a portal to a yet unknown life. Suddenly, I felt as though I was in a different world, taking in my surroundings as if I’d traveled to another world and seeing things for the first time.  It’s as if the earth has shifted on its’ axis, because it’s so damn dramatic.  The whole world literally stopped.

At first, I feel a huge WTF just happened?  And then, suddenly I’m sleeping in during the week and that’s strange because I never sleep in! I sadly cancel all my future travel plans, my work stops dead in its tracks and suddenly I have lots of time to sit and ponder.

So, I decide it’s a good time to recapitulate my past relationships … and not just in a surface way.  For it doesn’t feel like a “surface sort of time”.  Unpacking choices I made, directions I’d traveled and the deep inner knowing that the sublime lines of destiny were somehow always guiding me. I simply sit and bear witness to all that arises as I have plenty of time to do that since the “hamster wheel” of normal life has vanished.   

I was asked a very intriguing question the other day: “When I’ve made choices to change the trajectory of my life, was it to move away from something or towards something?” That inquiry gave me pause… I sit here and gaze tenderly backwards.  Free will is always at play right next to “destiny”, yet which is stronger?  And are they on friendly terms inside of me?

One profound thing I know (I use the word “know” lightly as I am questioning all of my beliefs now) is: love NEVER goes away.  Not through divorce or when physical paths diverge.  Once our hearts meet and spark, a “coming apart” is not possible, even through physical death or if we choose not to remain friends. Love is an alchemical process that changes those that meet it.

I’ve gone through life thinking I’m “looking for the truth”.. and what this time is showing me, is that there is not an absolute truth as I once had hoped.  How ironic to realize this now… that there is only and always has been, LOVE, which is constantly evolving. So, the only truth is here and now.  YES, HERE NOW!

I continue to take this time to stretch the sides of these endless, habituated boxed patterns inside my mind and shatter the ceiling of my seemingly limited perspective as I’ve lived it. A true coming home, right here, right now. 

May I never return to “normal” even after life opens back up to external connection and movement.  May I continue to evolve into a new me, in a new world, fueled by love and the constant changing nature of it all. Let’s find that new world together, shall we?